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[notsolomon]

This is William Twining. I shall reply to your message at my earliest convenience. Thank you. ***BEEP***

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[notsolomon]

[He deliberated for a moment and then hesitantly, in a move that was unlike him, slung an arm around Leon's shoulder.]

I am glad that you did tell me, even though you really didn't have to.

I do not know that there is anything I can to do to make it better, but if there is...

[He'll do it. No matter what it is.]

[babermetrics]

Ah, heeeey, it's fine, I'm cool . . .

[Which sounds dumb and he knows it, but he's not sure what else to say. Yeah sure I'm a hundred percent okay with being dead! But what's the alternative? Of course there's nothing anyone can do . . .

Or maybe there is, and they've already been doing it. He can't deny he's felt a little more at peace since being forced out of the dead closet.

He tenses for a moment in surprise and uncertainty when William puts his arm around him—but then he sighs, and relaxes all at once, forcing the tension out of his own body. No, this is fine.]

—Just don't treat me any different? This doesn't change anything, right? You're not . . . weirded out?

[notsolomon]

Why would I be 'weirded' out?

[It's a surprise of course and not a pleasant one, but it's something that affects Leon most of all. And he certainly doesn't act like a dead person.]

Unless you are a zombie or something similar to that. And I would have you know that eating my brain will not make you smarter.

[babermetrics]

I-I dunno, man, I don't know how to deal with being dead! But I'm not a zombie! Don't worry, I'm not ever gonna put any part of you in my mouth!

[He shoves lightly at him . . . without actually pulling away. The contact is nice.

And he feels better, now that it's out and he's gotten his reaction; there's no more wondering about it. William's not freaking out or treating him oddly. Seriously, everyone's so weirdly cool about this, it's a huge weight off his shoulders.]

[notsolomon]

[William shoved him back lightly. This was nice, but yes, nothing was going to change. Leon was still Leon. Kind of dumb and a bit of a pervert, but a good friend at the same time.]

You made that sound very vulgar somehow.

[babermetrics]

I thought you didn't even know how to make dirty jokes! I'm proud of you, man!

[Yeah, he meant to. He hadn't been sure William would pick up on it, but there we go. Nice.]

[notsolomon]

I go to a Boy's school, Leon. I am more than familiar with such things.

[He's half way offended. Only half way though.]

I just try to be above such things.

[babermetrics]

Oh yeah? So dudes are like that even back in your time, huh? I wonder when the word dick was invented . . .

[If ever William needed confirmation that Leon never changes, even in death, this is it.]

[notsolomon]

I would have no idea about that.

Though you know, that sort of thing even exists in ancient Latin texts.

[It is a relief. He would be worried if you stopped being sleezy, Leon.]

[babermetrics]

Wait, what sort of thing? No one ever told us that in school . . .

[Or maybe they did and he slept through it, but it doesn't sound likely. Huh. He perks up a little, curious for the first and probably last time in his life about ancient Latin texts.]

[notsolomon]

Oh you know, all sorts of vulgarities exist. Catullus really liked accusing people of all sorts of nonsense.

[Honestly no one had actually taught that, he'd just ended up reading it on his own, being an overachiever.]

[babermetrics]

Uh . . . is that a person?

[He's trying, okay. Kind of. Whoa, who knew William knew this kind of thing?]

[notsolomon]

Yes, he was a famous roman Poet. Very passionate, both in his hatred and his love.

[You'll be surprise what you end up learning about in dark days before the internet, Leon.]

[babermetrics]

. . . Wait, of dicks? I think you lost me here.

[But this still sounds more interesting than like 99% of history. And poetry. And all school.]

[notsolomon]

No, his feelings about people. He just tended to be really vulgar about it sometimes.

[He doesn't have most of it memorized though, since it wasn't useful for class unfortunately.]

[babermetrics]

Hold up, so what's this guy's name again?

[He's pulling out his CereVice to Google (CERES-Google. Coogle) this shit immediately.]

[notsolomon]

Gaius Valerius Catullus. Are you actually searching it?

[Of all the things to make you interested in the Classics Leon, it's perversion?]

[babermetrics]

Yyyeah, yeah, gimme a sec . . .

[Gai . . . gai . . .

. . . He hands William his CereVice.]

Okay, you are! . . . Please?

[notsolomon]

[That didn't last long.

Sighing William takes it and types in the name and then scrolls through a list of hits until he finds a good one and then hands it back.]

Here. Most of them are pretty short translations, though I cannot a hundred percent vouch for quality.

[babermetrics]

[Let's say it's this NSFW true classic of the Western canon.

Leon reads it—well, he gets to "summon me to a midday assignation" and then skips forward to look for anything that isn't that. Skipping to the bottom, he gets to the word prick, reads that part with a disbelieving laugh, and then kinda goes backwards until he gets to "don't decide to suddenly go cruising," and reads that part over, and just fucking loses it.]

Holy, ha ha, oh my god! What?! Are you friggin' serious?! Dude, this's a prank, right?! Where'd you even find this?! You're tooootally screwing with me! That ain't history! No way!

[notsolomon]

It's perfectly real. He's a famous poet, much like Sappho, though everything we know about him is pieced together from his poems.

[He laughs though as he looks over Leon's shoulder.]

It's not all like that, but people from the past are really no different from the people now. They just had different tools at their disposal.

[babermetrics]

He's a famous poet and this's the kinda thing he wrote? C'mon, man, I could be a famous poet if it's like that! I could one hundred percent produce "art" like this!

. . . So what's "supinated" mean?

[God. He's wiping literal tears from his eyes after that. Who knew dudes got famous for telling chicks they want to screw them nine times in a row? Leon's so ready to become a famous poet.]

[notsolomon]

It wasn't all dirty like this. He also wrote a lot of love poems that are very popular.

And it means to "lie face up." So I think what he's saying is that he's "prepared."

[Or something like that. William isn't any kind of expert on such things.]

[babermetrics]

So if you use fancy words to say that you just ate and you're lying down in bed with a boner and you want this chick to come ride it nine times . . . that'll get you remembered for, uh, how old is this poem again? Like a thousand years?

. . . You think it worked on the girl?

[notsolomon]

Hah I guess so. It's a rare text that the poems were found in, so that might be part of his popularity.

[Or something like that.]

She was a prostitute, so I'm sure his money worked on her.