[He hadn't thought about that aspect before, and as it sinks in, he frowns, looking a bit offended on William's behalf.]
What the hell, you're you! Even if you used to be someone else, you're you now! Tell those guys to screw off! You don't need any ancestor to be cool, man.
I've told them that often enough. Some of them are better about it than others. It's just hard... when his memories are floating around in my head too.
[Sometimes as dreams and sometimes like childhood memories that had been forgotten until recently.]
Hah, but did you know that when I smell herbs, those memories sometimes come forward? And his personality does as well. Though Kevin tells me it hasn't really happened here. But I tend not remember much. So if I ever seem like I am acting off and it isn't because of this place, that might be why.
[Okay, now he's getting why this might be a big deal, or something he'd want to know. That's pretty freaky to think about—both from William's perspective and Leon's. He blinks, trying to fit this into his head.]
. . . What's he like? I mean, I've gotta know what to look out for!
Kind of perfect for William, actually. And hilarious, judging by that tone, by the look on his face. Leon can't help but laugh, sorry bro. It's not that he enjoys William's pain or anything . . . but in this context? It sounds like this old man might be good for him.]
Ha ha! So in other words,if you ever loosen up some, I'll know you're possessed?
Ha ha, sorry, sorry! I get it, man . . . that sounds freaky. If it was me I'd go crazy thinking someone else could just take my body, y'know? But the way you said it was kinda funny!
[Wait a sec. He gets over his laughing fit and considers William. Hmm.]
So are you saying he takes over if you're, like, in danger?
He did once. But he usually still needs the scent of herbs to help him. He likes herbal tea a lot and I use it for help with magic, so that's probably why. I feel like it doesn't happen much here though. Probably because something about this place gets in the way.
[it was weird though, because his dreams of the past life were still as lucid as ever. But he hadn't been blacking out like before.]
The last time, was too late though. Someone died, regardless of my efforts.
[And that's where everything started going wrong.]
[Leon opens his mouth to answer, and that's all that comes out. He hadn't really thought—no, obviously William's had a tragic life, he'd seen that himself in those mirrors, but . . .
He's not sure what to say or where to look, for a moment. But then he clears his throat:]
Sorry.
[And, after a beat, shifts to lean just a little against his side.]
[William sighs and closes his eyes. Because really, he kind of hates doing this. Because, really it does make his life sound sort of pathetically sad.]
I do this to you a lot, don't I? Talk about awful things like that.
[He leaned against Leon though and relaxed after a moment.]
It's all such a mess sometimes. Though it is hardly that bad either.
Heh, I dunno about that. I don't think of you as that guy, so don't worry! I mean "the awful depressing one." It's cool, man . . . I mean, there's stuff, ah, I was gonna tell you some stuff too, but it ain't any better . . .
[He sighs and picks up his beer. What a great time for some more of this.]
Your life sounds crazy, but you still came out pretty cool.
Well remember what I said before on my birthday. I will listen when you want to talk about it.
[HE smiles though, because whatever.]
I was going to become 'cool' regardless of what happened to me. And like I said, it hasn't been all bad. I have friends. My parents did love me. And when he's around, my Uncle is a good guardian. And I like my school life. for the most part. So it's nothing to worry about.
So it's not so sad. Just... a little more complicated than most people's lives.
[That's a relief to hear. The idea of William being miserable, or having to go back to something terrible, wasn't sitting right with him. Hearing him describe it in such positive terms makes Leon feel a little warm. He smiles back at him, leaning forward onto his own knees.]
Good! That's good! That's what I like to hear! My life was pretty awesome too, y'know?
[Up until the end. He can't force that part out of his mouth, but he leaves it there unspoken and present anyway.]
[Well, that subject is at least a good way to approach near the subject. Leon hadn't thought of just bringing up that moment, even though it was a big part of why this started bothering him in the first place.]
Ah, yeah . . .
Look, those mirrors—I ended up in there too, and all kinds of people saw some stuff about me. And I feel kinda messed up over it, and like, this is gonna sound weird, but it started buggin' me that all these people I barely know knew that crap and—you didn't. Even though you're like one o' my best friends . . .
William can't help but be touched by that. Especially considering the rough start the two of them had gotten off to. But he feels the same way.
But onto the main subject.]
Is it something you want me to know? Or need me to know? Because don't tell me just because you feel guilty over it. I will tell you this now. I had enough of that back home.
[Okay that probably sounded harsh.]
But like I said, I will listen. Just don't feel obligated to me. Everyone has a door they don't want opened.
[And it's true. His own feelings have been complicated and difficult to pinpoint, but he's pretty confident that he's never felt guilty, like he owes it to William to tell him. It's more just that it feels strange and unbalanced—maybe it's that there are plenty of people who know, now, but none that Leon has decided to tell himself, and that's not a great thought, either. Who's in control here, himself or CERES?
But there's still the issue of how to even bring it up.
What do you do? Just blurt out, by the way, I'm—]
Look—when I said my life was pretty awesome, I meant it, except then everything about all of it got totally screwed up, and now it's—I don't have it anymore. It's over! I . . . you know what I mean, right?
[He didn't realize how unclear he was, and it's even more awkward clarifying it. Ergh. He's been doing okay up until now, but suddenly that awkwardness catches up with him, and he waves a hand, as if trying to brush it off:]
I, I told you it wasn't a big deal! It's totally not! I mean, I'm alive right now, right? Sooooo . . . so it doesn't matter! It's like it never happened! Except I can't just go home but—it's totally gonna work out, it's got nothin' to do with you, ha ha! S, sorry for wasting your time and stuff . . . !
[And honestly, it's not actually occurred to him that some people here are dead. Well, supposedly, they are all dead. In theory. If you assume CERES is not filled with lying liars who lie. Which he doesn't. Because that's too convenient. And makes no sense. And denial is the best way to survive.
But okay, his brain is getting side tracked.
This guy is dead. Back home. He died. Which means he might not have a home to go back to? Even if they fix all this.]
Why would I ever consider you telling me that a waste of time? When I said I would hear you out I meant it and you... you just...
[Yeah for once he's having a hard time with this. Normally he can be blase about such things, but well, this is Leon of all people.]
I know. I know, I just . . . maybe you thought it was something important.
[That's stupid. He knows it's stupid when he says it, and there's nothing he hates more than coming off stupid, so he's not thrilled with his side of this conversation so far, to say the least. Leon sighs, reaching up to fuss with his hair.]
—Sorry, okay? I don't know how to tell someone this kinda thing! Everyone here who knows saw my memory of it, so I didn't really have a choice. Or they're Kirigiri or Togami.
[In other words, they had front row seats to it happening, he doesn't say.]
. . . Yeah. No friggin' kidding. Some of those people I hadn't even met before. That was their first impression of me, isn't that screwed up?
[His stomach feels heavy even thinking about it. It's not like he can even choose what makes a worse first impression: having a mental breakdown over traumatic flashbacks, or being brutally beaten to death on live video. And these people had gotten both of them at once, so he doesn't even have to choose.
How nice.
He sighs and leans his own head back, staring at the ceiling rather than at William.]
But . . . I dunno. It just felt weird that you didn't know, I guess, after that.
[Which sounds dumb and he knows it, but he's not sure what else to say. Yeah sure I'm a hundred percent okay with being dead! But what's the alternative? Of course there's nothing anyone can do . . .
Or maybe there is, and they've already been doing it. He can't deny he's felt a little more at peace since being forced out of the dead closet.
He tenses for a moment in surprise and uncertainty when William puts his arm around him—but then he sighs, and relaxes all at once, forcing the tension out of his own body. No, this is fine.]
—Just don't treat me any different? This doesn't change anything, right? You're not . . . weirded out?
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[He hadn't thought about that aspect before, and as it sinks in, he frowns, looking a bit offended on William's behalf.]
What the hell, you're you! Even if you used to be someone else, you're you now! Tell those guys to screw off! You don't need any ancestor to be cool, man.
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[Sometimes as dreams and sometimes like childhood memories that had been forgotten until recently.]
Hah, but did you know that when I smell herbs, those memories sometimes come forward? And his personality does as well. Though Kevin tells me it hasn't really happened here. But I tend not remember much. So if I ever seem like I am acting off and it isn't because of this place, that might be why.
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[Okay, now he's getting why this might be a big deal, or something he'd want to know. That's pretty freaky to think about—both from William's perspective and Leon's. He blinks, trying to fit this into his head.]
. . . What's he like? I mean, I've gotta know what to look out for!
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[There was only one way to say this. And there is some venom there.]
He's a trouble making old man. An air head. Who is somehow the wisest man around.
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Kind of perfect for William, actually. And hilarious, judging by that tone, by the look on his face. Leon can't help but laugh, sorry bro. It's not that he enjoys William's pain or anything . . . but in this context? It sounds like this old man might be good for him.]
Ha ha! So in other words,if you ever loosen up some, I'll know you're possessed?
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[Leon, he trusted you...]
But I think, if matters ever become dangerous enough, you can rely on him. He's much better at magic than I am.
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[Wait a sec. He gets over his laughing fit and considers William. Hmm.]
So are you saying he takes over if you're, like, in danger?
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[it was weird though, because his dreams of the past life were still as lucid as ever. But he hadn't been blacking out like before.]
The last time, was too late though. Someone died, regardless of my efforts.
[And that's where everything started going wrong.]
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[Leon opens his mouth to answer, and that's all that comes out. He hadn't really thought—no, obviously William's had a tragic life, he'd seen that himself in those mirrors, but . . .
He's not sure what to say or where to look, for a moment. But then he clears his throat:]
Sorry.
[And, after a beat, shifts to lean just a little against his side.]
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I do this to you a lot, don't I? Talk about awful things like that.
[He leaned against Leon though and relaxed after a moment.]
It's all such a mess sometimes. Though it is hardly that bad either.
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[He sighs and picks up his beer. What a great time for some more of this.]
Your life sounds crazy, but you still came out pretty cool.
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[HE smiles though, because whatever.]
I was going to become 'cool' regardless of what happened to me. And like I said, it hasn't been all bad. I have friends. My parents did love me. And when he's around, my Uncle is a good guardian. And I like my school life. for the most part. So it's nothing to worry about.
So it's not so sad. Just... a little more complicated than most people's lives.
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[That's a relief to hear. The idea of William being miserable, or having to go back to something terrible, wasn't sitting right with him. Hearing him describe it in such positive terms makes Leon feel a little warm. He smiles back at him, leaning forward onto his own knees.]
Good! That's good! That's what I like to hear! My life was pretty awesome too, y'know?
[Up until the end. He can't force that part out of his mouth, but he leaves it there unspoken and present anyway.]
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[He might be self absorbed, but not to that extent.
And he can tell that something is being held back, more and more. But what's the good in forcing it out? A person has to want to talk.
So he'll just leave the invitation there.]
Really you know more about me than most people unfortunately, thanks to the stupid mirror. Which is weird to say.
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Ah, yeah . . .
Look, those mirrors—I ended up in there too, and all kinds of people saw some stuff about me. And I feel kinda messed up over it, and like, this is gonna sound weird, but it started buggin' me that all these people I barely know knew that crap and—you didn't. Even though you're like one o' my best friends . . .
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William can't help but be touched by that. Especially considering the rough start the two of them had gotten off to. But he feels the same way.
But onto the main subject.]
Is it something you want me to know? Or need me to know? Because don't tell me just because you feel guilty over it. I will tell you this now. I had enough of that back home.
[Okay that probably sounded harsh.]
But like I said, I will listen. Just don't feel obligated to me. Everyone has a door they don't want opened.
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[And it's true. His own feelings have been complicated and difficult to pinpoint, but he's pretty confident that he's never felt guilty, like he owes it to William to tell him. It's more just that it feels strange and unbalanced—maybe it's that there are plenty of people who know, now, but none that Leon has decided to tell himself, and that's not a great thought, either. Who's in control here, himself or CERES?
But there's still the issue of how to even bring it up.
What do you do? Just blurt out, by the way, I'm—]
Look—when I said my life was pretty awesome, I meant it, except then everything about all of it got totally screwed up, and now it's—I don't have it anymore. It's over! I . . . you know what I mean, right?
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Leon what are you...
[Wait is he saying that he's...
No, that couldn't be?]
...are you saying you are dead back home? Or something to that effect?
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[He didn't realize how unclear he was, and it's even more awkward clarifying it. Ergh. He's been doing okay up until now, but suddenly that awkwardness catches up with him, and he waves a hand, as if trying to brush it off:]
I, I told you it wasn't a big deal! It's totally not! I mean, I'm alive right now, right? Sooooo . . . so it doesn't matter! It's like it never happened! Except I can't just go home but—it's totally gonna work out, it's got nothin' to do with you, ha ha! S, sorry for wasting your time and stuff . . . !
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[And honestly, it's not actually occurred to him that some people here are dead. Well, supposedly, they are all dead. In theory. If you assume CERES is not filled with lying liars who lie. Which he doesn't. Because that's too convenient. And makes no sense. And denial is the best way to survive.
But okay, his brain is getting side tracked.
This guy is dead. Back home. He died. Which means he might not have a home to go back to? Even if they fix all this.]
Why would I ever consider you telling me that a waste of time? When I said I would hear you out I meant it and you... you just...
[Yeah for once he's having a hard time with this. Normally he can be blase about such things, but well, this is Leon of all people.]
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[That's stupid. He knows it's stupid when he says it, and there's nothing he hates more than coming off stupid, so he's not thrilled with his side of this conversation so far, to say the least. Leon sighs, reaching up to fuss with his hair.]
—Sorry, okay? I don't know how to tell someone this kinda thing! Everyone here who knows saw my memory of it, so I didn't really have a choice. Or they're Kirigiri or Togami.
[In other words, they had front row seats to it happening, he doesn't say.]
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[Because it's your life we are talking about. It's your future. You only have one.
He grits his teeth for a moment and then leans his head back against the couch.]
So though, a bunch of people saw you die, most of whom wouldn't have known? That really was a tasteless event. All around.
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[His stomach feels heavy even thinking about it. It's not like he can even choose what makes a worse first impression: having a mental breakdown over traumatic flashbacks, or being brutally beaten to death on live video. And these people had gotten both of them at once, so he doesn't even have to choose.
How nice.
He sighs and leans his own head back, staring at the ceiling rather than at William.]
But . . . I dunno. It just felt weird that you didn't know, I guess, after that.
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I am glad that you did tell me, even though you really didn't have to.
I do not know that there is anything I can to do to make it better, but if there is...
[He'll do it. No matter what it is.]
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[Which sounds dumb and he knows it, but he's not sure what else to say. Yeah sure I'm a hundred percent okay with being dead! But what's the alternative? Of course there's nothing anyone can do . . .
Or maybe there is, and they've already been doing it. He can't deny he's felt a little more at peace since being forced out of the dead closet.
He tenses for a moment in surprise and uncertainty when William puts his arm around him—but then he sighs, and relaxes all at once, forcing the tension out of his own body. No, this is fine.]
—Just don't treat me any different? This doesn't change anything, right? You're not . . . weirded out?
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